New York, NY, April 1 2005
Tired of being slavishly imitated by legions of marginally talented
singer-songwriters, music legends Joni Mitchell, Ani DiFranco and Tori
Amos announced at a press conference today that they are forming a
supergroup called The I's Have It. "Yeah, we'll be making some music,"
DiFranco explained, "but the main purpose is to try and put a stop to
the endless hordes of clones. For this group I'll be writing and
singing sweet love songs about how unfulfilled I am unless I have a
man."
Amos, who is travelling in Europe and attended the press conference via
astral projection, will be abandoning her piano for the accordion and
singing her favorite gypsy and klezmer tunes. "This won't exactly be
the Tori you're used to," said Amos through an interpreter. "For one
thing, I'll be answering only to 'Spacey Spice.' Ha, it's like the
little people in my head. Wait, I think they're in your head. Anyhoo,
we're just so sick of people imitating us that we thought we'd bust up
our images a bit. Take that, you stupid bloody girls. God, I'm sick of
those damn sensitive piano-playing girls. Blimey!"
The group and tour was the brainstorm of Ms. Mitchell, whose famously
antagonistic relation****p with the music industry has led her to
abandon the stage in recent years. Appearing at the press conference
dressed in a pink fur bikini and gold go-go boots, Mitchell explained
that she won't be singing or playing on this tour. "I'm just sort of
the ****ty eminence grise," she explained. "I'll be doing the
suggestive dances, chain-smoking, and throwing paint on the audience."
Raincoats, added tour promoter Mick Gustavsen, will be provided for
spectators in the front rows.
For more information, contact M. Gustavsen at Happy Pants
Entertainment, 212-555-GRIN.
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