I mean, here's the thing:
If I can get through today, and this week, without smoking, I think I
can really do it.
I mean, like right now, I just feel awful, and I think about smoking,
and it turns me off. I think of it hitting my lungs, burning my lungs,
the awful feeling I get, and I don't want cigarettes.
I'm just so bummed about my family.
Bob Dylan, take me away.
But he won't.
I'm really bummed out.
I hate the way they treat me.
But I'm sure some of it comes from within. Some of it is my fault,
too. I acknowledge that.
But I how come I don't have these problems with my friends?
I mean, I have some friends in real life, I talk to them on the phone,
I used to see them, and I don't have these kinds of problems with
them. Just my family.
I guess it's because we used to be so close, and that process of
growing apart, and yet not letting go of that sense of entitlement to
each other, because we are related, caused the whole thing to be so
very rocky, and nasty, and a lot of fighting.
I can't handle it this time.
I just want short little visits.
And then they can go.
The awful thing is, I am going to be STRESSED OUT for a WHOLE WEEK.
OMG, this is going to be hard.
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